walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
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