Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i out mim tonsoeep
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