My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
