Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
