I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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