No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
