remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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