Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My hand turned me down
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
