Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
