I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
