I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize