so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
These tits shall not be calmed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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