Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
