And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
