I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
