I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
