I can tuck mytits in my pants
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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