@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
