Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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