Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
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