You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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