i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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