i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
