I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The air was thick with penises
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
