Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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