I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
