So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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