just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My hand turned me down
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
