Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
