Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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