so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
