Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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