1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
