I must be too annoying 4 u.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
