just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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