would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
