in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
