May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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