This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
