i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
