I wish I could teleport
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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