Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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