I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
