After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
