We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
