I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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