wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i just google imaged poop.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
