Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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