My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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