all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
