he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
