Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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