he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
