I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
