You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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