I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
