I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
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