we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
