Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
