absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
