We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
