she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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