thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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