....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
