Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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