You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
