Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
