Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
