I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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