It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
