so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
