some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
We need to get me chipped asap
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
