It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
