i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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