i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
