She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
