I wish I could teleport
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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