I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
