Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
