This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize