just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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