just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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