She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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