We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
