he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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