i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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