Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
