Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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